Saturday, 27 April 2013

Through Gerwyn's Eyes #6 - Rumour Has It .

Through Gerwyn's Eyes #6
Rumour Has It .
So , I'm going to face what I've been hiding in my heart for a very long time . It's time to let it all out , before it turns into something that makes me crumble .
As stated on the title , rumours . Before that , I have to admit that .. Like every single human in this world , I know I have haters . And , I'm aware of that .
Okay now , - heaves a big sigh - . I'm okay with the fact that I have haters ; who doesn't ? But , I just don't understand / like rumours . Firstly , I know everyone is different and unique . But , is there a need to spread unnecessary rumours ? I'll share with you my WORST experience of rumours .
Here goes everything . 3 years ago , I was just an ordinary Secondary 1 (13 years old )that tried to fit in into the new Secondary school atmosphere . However , I had a boyfriend with a rather significant age gap of 8 years ( He was 22 years old then ) .
I know , the age gap is big . I know , it doesn't sound right . I know , it is very complicated .
However , out of a sudden , one of my closest friends ( I don't have specific best friends cause they're all equal to me ) decided to spread rumours about me . And wow , it spreaded like wildfire .
I didn't really notice it till a few weeks later . Every recess , I would see cliques staring and pointing fingers at me . I would see people whispering to each other and glare at me ; as though they were talking about me , which they were of course . Also , I was sort of an " outcast " in my class .
Out of 40 people , I had less than 10 friends in my class . This upsetted me a lot , cause back then , I was still a little bit of a " bad girl " ; just that nobody knew that side of me yet . I know it's an overdue post of 3 years , but I'm blogging about this right now cause it was a topic my friend and I were talking about just now .
Last year , probably nearer to the end ; my friends and I ( friends that I got to know only at Secondary 3 , for probably 9 months or so ) went out together . We were talking heart-to-heart , and guess what ? They revealed something I never thought about . I didn't know that rumours could spread this wide . How wide ? My friends told me that " I know there is this girl in this school from class ___ that has a 20+ year old boyfriend , but I didn't know it was you until you told me . In fact , I didn't even know who you were . "
This rumour may seem like nothing to you ; and I'm not that upset over the rumour . I just , don't understand it . I mean , so what if my boyfriend is older than me ? I just couldn't understand why I became an outcast just because I had an older boyfriend .
Why am I even posting about these rumours ? Because even though it was an incident 3 years ago , it still hurts today . My friend and I was talking about random topics , and suddenly this came up . I showed a poker face , but my heart was still hurting . I may / may not have spread rumours myself before , but if I ever did , it wasn't on purpose .
Words don't only hurt , they leave scars . Scars that you can't see , but will always be there . Trust is like a paper ; once crumbled it can never be the way it was . Rumours are like people slitting your heart , and time is like stitches made using strings to cover the wounds up ; but it will always hurt once someone tries to cut open those fragile strings .
The above highlighted quote is by me ; haha ><
Rumour has it , I'm not gonna hurt anymore .