Lately, it's been feeling as though I'm just faking it all. The smiles, jokes, laughter..
When somebody says, "The you I know, wouldn't be like this" You'll start to think, how much do YOU know about me? Then, you'll start wondering.. How much do you know about yourself?
All the smiles and laughter, all to hide your pain and tears. To hide yourself from, you.
When you have had a past that you wish you were wise enough.. Wise enough to leave. Smart enough to say "No". Sensible enough to know your limits. Mature enough to love yourself.
They say, "Once bitten, twice shy." But all you know is, you can't control yourself.
You do everything you can to stop yourself but you know you can't. Because all you wanted was to be happy. Because all you wanted was to find someone who cares. Because all you wanted was to understand yourself. Because all you wanted was to be loved as much as you loved others. Because all you wanted was to be in somebody's arms.
As time goes by, you'll feel pathetic. Pathetic enough to think that you need to buy friends. As time goes by, you'll feel helpless. Helpless enough to give yourself to anyone. As time goes by, you'll feel hurt. Hurt enough to cry yourself to sleep every night. As time goes by, you'll feel suicidal. Suicidal enough to wish you were never born.
These scars, these pain will never leave me. Whatever people do, whatever people say.. I know I can never let it all go.