Friday, 5 July 2013

Through Gerwyn's Eyes #13 - Is bullying really that fun ?

Through Gerwyn's Eyes #13
Is bullying really that fun ?

Have you been a victim of bullying before ?
Or worse , have you been the bully ?
In this post today , I'll share on how I've been " bullied " ; and also , show you what bullying can do to others . In addition , I'll be sharing about why I have no ASKFM account ; as well as why I don't have one . PS : This post is inspired by Cosmic Sparkles , for sharing a video of Kelly Clarkson's " People Like Us " MV :)
Firstly , I'll share my experience and also , what bullying can do to you .
When I was in Kindergarten , I wasn't bullied . In fact , I felt as though my friends were my family ; however , those innocent and naive days pass by so quickly .. When I was Primary 1 , there wasn't much bullying either . We were all rather close , except I remember I used to quarrel with the chairperson sometimes >< Then came Primary 2 , when my parents brought me home ( I was staying with my Aunt before that ) to take care of me . I grew fat FAST , like 5kg in less than 3 months . I have vague memory of Primary 2 & 3 , so I guess nothing bad happened ?
Then , Primary 4 ~ 6 .. I started receiving negative comments of my body size , people calling me fat , ugly and everything . I remember having someone I used to like , calling me ugly . That was it , I made the decision to stop all this nonsense ; I started to become even more outspoken ( not what people would normally do ? ) to cover up the flaws I see in myself .
Secondary School life started , I thought that things would get better ; new friends ! I was really scared to make friends then , because I would be affected by the voice in my head ; saying I was too fat and ugly to have any friends . Sure enough , I have a bunch of haters . I didn't know why either , but I used to trust a friend that backstabbed me . I told this friend my secrets and troubles .. And one day , she turned against me and started to spread rumours about me that weren't true . Words got twisted , things got messed up ; rumours were everywhere , strangers stare at me .. I started with my current boyfriend in Secondary 1 , and our relationship is never perfect . Thus , people started spreading mean things about me ; and there was even a rumour that I was lesbian because I'm close to some of my friends .
Then came cyber-attack . I had a blog then , before I had this . I closed it . Why ? I left a chatbox in my blog , hoping people would tell me how to improve my blog . But no , people used it to post HURTFUL comments . What more ? ANONYMOUSLY .
I kept this a secret , and only a few people know about this .. But there was once , I slit my wrist during lesson in school . The teacher was showing a video , and I just took my penknife and made a gentle slit . No , it wasn't life-threatening ; but it was still bleeding , I was too afraid to make a big one .
I started to cry after that . Thinking why I did that to myself , because of a stranger's comment of me . I started to change . I believed in myself , I started to slim down . No , it wasn't a lot previously ; but I was happy with losing 2kg . I told myself I shouldn't let someone else define me , and even more ; I shouldn't let them control my life . Nobody was in control , nobody but me .
Bullying is no laughing matter , be it verbal , physical or cyber . It doesn't only pull one's self-esteem , it makes one struggle with themselves . And sometimes , people can't take that pressure and start slitting their wrists or having suicidal thoughts . I struggled with myself , and there are people struggling with themselves till now . While you're reading this , there ARE people somewhere , crying because they were bullied .
Some examples I've seen of bullying , and it's affecting people around me too .
Recently , there are people around me that are getting the adverse effects of bullying . Friend A started a Youtube channel , standing up for himself against all his bullies in ASKFM . Friend B is getting attacked on ASKFM , by anonymous people . It hurts to see people DELIBERATELY hurting each other , especially when we did nothing to them .
Why I don't have an ASKFM account ?
I don't want the bullies to start again , I don't want history to repeat . Also , if there is anything that anyone wants to say ; I would rather they tell me in my face . Not by some ANONYMOUS comment . If you hate me , tell me why ; don't get into some platform just to say some rude comments .
Bullying leads to .. Suicide ?
I'll just briefly touch on this topic . There was the Amanda Todd incident previously , where she suicided because of bullies giving verbal abuse . While I was searching for the ASKFM logo in Google , Jessica Laney popped out . Who is she ? She is a victim who suicided because of ASKFM . Even though people couldn't find evidence she suicided because of cyberbullying , I feel that the people are just mean . Why would you want to put someone down like that ? If people suicided , would you be happy ?
To everyone that is still reading !
I'm thankful for singers like Kelly Clarkson , Avril Lavigne and much more ; for standing up for the people like us , getting bullied and feeling like an outcast . Don't ever let anyone say that you're not good enough . Don't let others define you . Don't let body sizes stop you from being who you are . Love yourself , and you'll find that things would get better :) Thank you for reading , and I hope you stay strong too ^^
Just a side note , I feel like writing these words on visible parts of my body ; and go to places like the town area . Anyone with me ? :P